Let me start by saying that this day will not have a happy ending. But let me start here.
Breakfast: chicken salad with grapes and a smoothie.
Lunch: chicken salad with salmon and spinach and a smoothie.
Dinner: nachos with plantain tortilla chips, guac and tomatoes.
And then my husbands band played last night. In a bar. We had a babysitter. Everything about it felt like a date where we would go eat rotten food and drink some beer. Only even though everyone else was eating rotten food and drinking beer, I just sat there. I went back-and-forth between “Oh we’re already on Day 26, that’s practically 30” and “only 4 more days. Don’t you dare.” I wanted a drink. I wanted to go home and eat Girl Scout cookies. I felt fine about this whole thing until about day 23 or 24. Since then it has been so hard. I feel mentally and really physically crappy. I don’t know if it’s the stress of certain situations or serious family medical issues that I’m worried about or even the diet itself was stressing me out, or what. Probably a combination of all of it. In my head, that’s what I’m blaming it on. But I’m not easy on myself, I’m pissed, and there’s NO excuse. A friend bought Dave and I a beer. “How can I not drink it?” I said to myself. But I WANTED someone to buy me a beer, to give me permission. It got even uglier when I got home with the Girl Scout cookies, but I’ll spare you the gory details. We talked about it last night and decided that it was ok, no big deal, we did pretty good and just ended it a few days early. This morning I woke up thinking that isn’t the case. I’m going to finish it out even though I effed it up. Tacking on two extra days at the end for punishment, even though it should be an extra 30. What is the point of this whole thing? At the very beginning I said that it was a jump start into eating healthier and consciously. I guess in that realm we succeeded. I struggled with whether to type this or not. No one would have been the wiser. But what would be the point in that? To have looked good to the 4 strangers who might read this on the Internet? My yoga teacher always tells me to speak my truth, so there it was. The plan is to continue on like this, but not so strict and maybe a little more plant based. We are eating healthier. We are eating consciously. We will see where that leads. So today I am on Whole30-Day 27. Or 26+1. Or some shit.
Peace and plantains.